So its a new campaign and we have 2 new players and me and another guy I play a frog swarmkeeper ranger and we are trapped in a dungeon with only 12 days of rations
Billy Bob Joe (me): you know my people practice canabilism so if needed I will eat you
Our goblin artificer(new player) ooc: hey man what the fuck?
Human wizard: seems fair if you do eat me all i ask is I am sautéed not baked i don’t like ovens
Elf con artist (other new player): CAN WE NOT PLAN THIS ON DAY ONE THIS IS A DAY FOUR TOPIC
Did I mention this is our first encounter with the party?
us Austen fans are always like *wistful sigh* where’s my Mr Darcy? But you wanna know where the fuck he is????? You wanNA FUCKING KNOW? he’s at home. avoiding all social situations, watching gossip girl with Georgiana and probably still recovering that time two weeks ago when the cashier said ‘have a nice day’ and he said 'no I’m fine thanks’. Where else would he fucking be?
All you’ve ever wanted was to be feared and rule the world but every villainous act you commit backfires. Steal candy from a baby? Poisoned candy, baby saved. Steal the baby? Abusive parents. Threw a woman off a building? Push she needed to unlock her powers of flight, she’s now your sidekick.
Newly acquired toddler: Mr. Evil man you sure are helping a lot of people.
Villain: Finish eating your lunch, Timmy. Daddy’s plotting to overthrow the Big Bank.
Sidekick: Oh that’s great, John! They’re so corrupt. I’ll cancel my plans with Linda tonight. She’s gonna love this.
Villain: *crumples up evil plans and throws them across the room* DAMMIT!
An Actual Real Person my Dad knew. Pretty sure he worked as a bush guide. When someone asked the time he’d pull off his hat - some kind of broad brim - and use to take a few measurements of the sun’s position relative to the horizon. Then he’d declare the time.
He was accurate to the minute.
Fvvdvddsfdssdhnvfh you get back here and say this to the rest of the crew
do u know what, i’m so glad tumblr doesn’t have a timehop feature i think if i was forcefully shown what hellish nonsense i spewed here ‘on this day seven years ago’ i would simply vaporise on the spot
